Living where the air hurts your face  


Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 5
29/01/2019 3:13 pm  

Wisconsin is known for it's natural beauty and outdoor adventure possibilities, among being the nation's cheese capitol (France better up their game if they have any ideas about staying on top). Its residents' are well known for their ability to maintain a blood alcohol level way above the legal limit while still functioning in a normal capacity. Many small towns have more bars and liquor stores than other businesses. Why? Because we live where it literally hurts to go outside. This week, public school and multiple colleges have closed their doors for the next couple days due to extreme subzero temperatures and wind-chill factors. It normally takes an act of God to close down a college, so you know nature isn't fucking around this time. With all this talk about freezing to death in five minutes if you go outside, many people find it hard to entertain themselves. Since many of us have piss poor coping mechanisms, we tend to reach for food and alcohol (and gaming devices/technology) when nothing better to do presents itself. 

Surprisingly, the UPS truck showed up on schedule today and delivered a package with some winter survival gear for my daughter. I'm beginning to think that UPS creates its own hybrid drivers in a lab, because most normal humans can't exit a temperature controlled climate constantly, without wearing proper gear, when it feels like -32, without at least getting frostbite. And today is warm compared to what the next two days will bring. I went out to retrieve said package, and the air was so cold it took my breath away. The wind whipped and instantaneously made my eyes water. Every. Damn. Time. I was only out there for maybe 50 seconds, but I got a quick reminder of why I'll be staying inside for the next three days. The air hurts your face, it's painful to breathe, vehicles and outdoor items will spontaneously break, dry hair will freeze in minutes, denim jeans will take you from comfortable to painfully frozen in a short amount of time, animals will refuse to walk outside, your eyes water at the feeling of instantly freezing... it's a damn mess. It's less than desirable around 9 months out of the year, yet we all still live here. We have managed to find peace in relationships, alcohol, food and the hope that one day Jack Frost will take his ass home and it may warm up enough to go outside and be able to breathe normally. Spring through Fall this is the best part of the nation to live in. More on that later. For now, we always keep holding on for the thaw.

What do you drink through Wisconsin's longest season: winter overnight, still winter, snow's here, rifle opener, actually winter, cold's here, spring threat, surprise! still winter, and winter break? 

Last night I drank Spotted Cow, by New Glarus Brewing Company. It'd describe it as a flavorful, without over-doing it, medium bodied, lightly creamy beer, with a finish that's smooth, like a light beer. It's one of those beers that can please the majority of the crowd, while surprising the palate with its texture and flavor. Everyone from beer snob hipsters to fans of Miller Light can handle a refreshing Spotted Cow. It's a staple in most bars of Wisconsin, in fact, it's expected. Most homes stock some variety of New Glarus beer too. The price-point is fair, the drinkability is top of the scale, and availability to Wisconsinites is prime. Everyone else is screwed. The owners have respectively kept their beer line local, so more for us!

When you live where the air hurts your face, you should have plenty of beer selections to drown your sorrows in until the spring thaw arrives. Tonight, I might take my palate to the beach with some Corona. Far as I can tell, I can't physically visit a beach without the air burning my skin for about 4 more months. Until then, cheers to having a wonderful selection of great beers and people to share them with.

Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 13
29/01/2019 11:20 pm  

Spotted cow is always a solid choice.  My favorite when its 55 degrees below freezing?



Sincerely though tonight I was in Canal park Duluth, MN.  We walked about a quarter mile and our skin hurt and my damned clothes were freezing while I walked.

Good news is, Canal Park Brewing exists and their hatch nut brown, icebreaker and resilience were all on tap and ready to make the walk back a little more agreeable.


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